Failure is not when ur girlfriend leaves you...
It's only when u leave her a virgin.
Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!
The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted Salty?!
Why is it that a girl looks down when u say I love u? To see if u really mean it!
Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well u do it today,
tomorrow u have to do it again.
Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.
Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic sex .
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.
The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting fxxxed!
This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan: We stare because we care!
The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls.
The Lord Almighty sentenced them to: Hang Till Death !
A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.
What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.
If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.
What's the diff between a bomb n a condom?
If a bomb blast population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Feng Shui
Feng Shui
This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received. Hope it works for you -- and me!
Lotus Touts: You have 6 minutes
There's some mig hty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This Lotus Touts has been sent to you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so far.
Do not keep this message.
The Lotus Touts must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.
ONE.Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO.Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE.Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR.When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
FIVE.When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
SIX.Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN.Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT.Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE.Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN..In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN.Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE.Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN! ..When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN.Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN.Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN.When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN..Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN.Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN.When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice
TWENTY- ONE.Spend some time alone.
This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received. Hope it works for you -- and me!
Lotus Touts: You have 6 minutes
There's some mig hty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This Lotus Touts has been sent to you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so far.
Do not keep this message.
The Lotus Touts must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.
ONE.Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO.Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE.Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR.When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
FIVE.When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
SIX.Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN.Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT.Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE.Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN..In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN.Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE.Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN! ..When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN.Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN.Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN.When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN..Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN.Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN.When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice
TWENTY- ONE.Spend some time alone.
two jokes
(1) Chinese Adam & Eve:
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise because they
would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.
(2) A tap on the driver
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him
something.. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus,
drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass
window..
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,
"Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't
realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
To which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all.
Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the
last 25 years."
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise because they
would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.
(2) A tap on the driver
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him
something.. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus,
drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass
window..
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,
"Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't
realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
To which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all.
Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the
last 25 years."
Do not turn on A/C immediately as soon as you enter
Do not turn on A/C immediately as soon as you enter
> the car!
> Please open the windows after you enter your car and do not
> turn ON the
> air-conditioning immediately.
> According to a research done . the car dashboard, sofa, air
> freshener
> emits Benzene, a Cancer causing toxin (carcinogen- take
> note of the
> heated plastic Smell in your car).
> In addition to causing cancer, it poisons your bones,
> causes anemia, and
> reduces white blood cells. Prolonged exposure will cause
> Leukemia,
> increasing the risk of cancer. May also cause miscarriage.
> Acceptable Benzene level indoors is 50 mg per sq. ft.. A
> car parked
> indoors with the windows closed will contain 400-800 mg of
> Benzene.
> If parked outdoors under the sun at a temperature above 60
> degrees F,
> the Benzene level goes up to 2000-4000 mg, 40 times the
> acceptable
> level...
> & the people inside the car will inevitably inhale an
> excess
> amount of the toxins.
> It is recommended that you open the windows and door to
> give time for
> the interior to air out before you enter.
> Benzene is a toxin that affects your kidney and liver, and
> is very
> difficult for your body to expel this toxic
> stuff.
> --
> 'When someone shares something of value with you and
> you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it
> with others..Chinese Proverb
>
> EXPERIENCE IS A COMB: YOU GET IT WHEN YOU GO BALD
> the car!
> Please open the windows after you enter your car and do not
> turn ON the
> air-conditioning immediately.
> According to a research done . the car dashboard, sofa, air
> freshener
> emits Benzene, a Cancer causing toxin (carcinogen- take
> note of the
> heated plastic Smell in your car).
> In addition to causing cancer, it poisons your bones,
> causes anemia, and
> reduces white blood cells. Prolonged exposure will cause
> Leukemia,
> increasing the risk of cancer. May also cause miscarriage.
> Acceptable Benzene level indoors is 50 mg per sq. ft.. A
> car parked
> indoors with the windows closed will contain 400-800 mg of
> Benzene.
> If parked outdoors under the sun at a temperature above 60
> degrees F,
> the Benzene level goes up to 2000-4000 mg, 40 times the
> acceptable
> level...
> & the people inside the car will inevitably inhale an
> excess
> amount of the toxins.
> It is recommended that you open the windows and door to
> give time for
> the interior to air out before you enter.
> Benzene is a toxin that affects your kidney and liver, and
> is very
> difficult for your body to expel this toxic
> stuff.
> --
> 'When someone shares something of value with you and
> you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it
> with others..Chinese Proverb
>
> EXPERIENCE IS A COMB: YOU GET IT WHEN YOU GO BALD
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